My hands were tired, my special photo became old but my love was the same. Sadly, I got sick of my satisfaction game...

I remember the night when I got drunk with a fancy bottle of my grandfather's old wine. My dreams drove me to a wonderful moment and #54 rised her hand and said she was present.

I opened my eyes and she was next to me, I was not alone in my bed. A glorious dream where didn't matter if I looked bad, if I didn't shave or if she didn't wash her teeth. We were together again! #54 had a great smile but I put her photo on her face after we had a great night.

We drinked more of my old wine bottle, the food was excellent and the sex like never before because, this time, I made it with love. That day my place at college was empty, my teacher felt tranquility but I enjoyed twice of happiness than he did.

I bought her a dress; my wallet had no limits in dreams. My house was the same but I saw it prettier 'cause she was waiting for me inside. Finally, I had a reason to arrive home earlier.

The girl talked to me every second and I tried to wake up. Thinking about #54 alive made me crazy but I couldn't wake up from that dream! I was real! She was on my bed and a coffin in the mausoleum was empty!

My room started to call the flies and the bad smell woke me up from an awful illusion! I had a corpse in my house, worms in my bed and an used condom in the floor.

I had a much fucked up mind! My psychologist would pay his kid's college with me! I was pretty insane but I had to get the hell out that purple and teeth less body from my bedroom! So, I put that thing in my car and destroyed the mausoleum's door again with the corrupt security-guy's help. He "thought" I worked in medicine school since I offered him my gold ring.

I felt rejected by myself before cleaning the vomit spot from the pillow. I changed the sheets and made shreds out of #54's photo! I didn't want to know more about that girl anymore and gave away all of my old wine!

I got sick the next two days and never told #30 what really happened. He asumed I had diarrea because of the smell!

When I went to college again, I was prepared to date real girls again! My promise about dating chicks without mechanical help had to be broken quickly! The damn ticket machine won! I did need my red-metal friend... However, I was not ashamed about that! Besides, nobody knew about my effective method to meet girls! This is my reborn, my return! The library stud is ALIVE!

I sat down next to her, so I could smell her hair. “Pretty Flower Hair” I said, she gave me a strange face to ask me “What?” and I repeated the same thing. The pretty girl closed and opened her blue eyes slowly, looked at me and answers “I just met you and you are talking to me about my shampoo? Dude, you’re such a loser…” next, she gave me a smirk and changed her place.

I couldn’t move for 5 minutes! Never in my life, anybody, had threaded me that way! I was so humiliated! Then, #30 came where she was and announced he had a girlfriend, after that, I felt a death wish going through my spine.

I never had an addiction, drugs were not my thing, but the ticket machine became my nicotine. My red-metal friend was a double pass to heaven and hell.

Once you start using something you like, it will be very difficult to forget it! But I wanted to probe myself that I could hang out with chicks again with no machines help.

After one week trying to meet girls without going to the library, I just found #54’s photo inside my pillow and broke my promise…

Desperate and almost transforming into a lunatic guy, my depression had my body without exercise and sadly alone. However, #30 still went to my place and talked to me at class. He became my friend, my best friend. I gave him some advices to change his style and he did everything as I said. #30 left the old nerd he was in the past and broke up with his girlfriend to start a relationship with the blue-eyed girl! It was extremely cool!

He convinced his chick to go to the movies the last Sunday; she even invited one of her girl friends. We had an incredible day and the blue-eyed girl didn’t smirk to me again, in fact, that’s because she laughed to tears when her pretty friend smirked to me…

I’m still single and still don’t want to use the ticket machine. I have to re-learn how to date girls with no mechanical help. It’s going to be hard, ‘cause once you start loving someone, it’s very difficult to forget her… Maybe that’s why I can’t stop using #54’s photo… I miss you…

What the hell…! I’ll do it until I’ve found my true love! What a pussy comment…

The only thing I got to eliminate is my malice and lust for girls. One chick at a time to avoid the psycho behaviour will help, please.

Once having this self-conversation done, I could continue with my secret ritual: 1- Take out yesterday’s ticket, 2- Wait a few people to finish their copies and 3- Make magic. What magic? There was no fucking magic for me that day! The wizard was not in my personality that afternoon! I checked my number and the red electronic board showed the #30, which was quite right! But the freaking nerd with that same number wasn’t!

I didn’t expect that! What a twist! I needed to fix what was bothering my stud-style way to meet girls. So, I pushed an old woman and had no nerd to tackle because he was on my possible-new-ticket-girlfriend’s place! “Who are you?” I said with my hair brows showing a violent gesture, the guy answer me with a scared voice that it didn’t matter if I took his place if I would left him alone. That was the second time that someone in the library let me use my ticket first but I wouldn’t allow more dead people! So, I raised my head in sign of peace and permission to make him understand that everything was OK and he would have his copies first.

The nerd freed a big smile that I didn’t follow; I just wanted my number to be used with a girl. In fact, I went out the library with no copies for me and my recyclable #30 ticket. The next day would be a nice one to use that number, the end of the month was coming and I scored a 30 at History, everything pointed to that number, something huge was about to happen.

I left the building to accelerate the waiting and see the morning sooner. The computer made me stay awake for three long hours, finishing the History extra-point homework and checking my web profiles to keep a strong friendship with mostly people I won’t ever meet beyond fourteen photos, their favourite songs and long funny chats.

The World Wide Web it’s a great place to lie, live in, “meet” girls and touch your genitals in front of a camera. A person met another last night through the WWW and the next day the fucking paedophile dude raped the fifteen year old princess. I will never do that, I just accept people as “friends” to become popular somewhere and if you add me I’ll give you the greatest welcome ever!

Two hundred minutes to sleep, teeth wash, a coffee and poop quickly. That’s my secret recipe for a cool new day and it was done. My journey to college had begun. I forgot to print my History homework and my mom didn’t know (until then) how to send an e-mail! My extra points were as doomed as #93’s virginity, however, there was one last chance to save them and the library had the answer!

I had a déjà-vu while walked straight to the library-girl, a little skinny image made me wake up and it also complaint! The freaking #30 was by my side again! He was wearing the same old fucking smile he had yesterday; also a new haircut that revealed how far can anyone go in a desperate way to use a cool hairstyle but don’t have what it takes to have it.

“Thank you for a… add… adding me last night” those were his first words to dare to say before me. I just laughed while I told him how impossible that was; I checked my web profile and didn’t add a crappy boy like him! Unless he… Oh, my God! Damn you people with drawings instead of photos in their profiles! Damn you!

Four seconds were enough to put ninety nine offences in my mind to tell him, but (because it will always be a “but”) the nerd had the copies I needed in his loser hands!

History wasn’t an interesting class for me; even sleeping was an option during that class! Maybe that was the reason for me to have never seen that thin and smart guy behind me!

“Do you need these copies?” he asked with a funny nasal voice, off course I accept that I wanted those copies so badly! My score depended on them! I acted like he was my hero and my new idol, shacked one of his shoulders to show my approval and got really surprised when the situation turned even better! Those pink and perfumed pages weren’t his homework!

The chick with the hottest blue eyes in the university wrote every single word directly from her hands to those holy papers and sends her stupid pet to buy a folder for them! Since the moment I knew that I would do anything to become #30 from an idiotic slime into my best friend. With his help, I will have a new girlfriend and A as my never seen score in all of my future homework!

You’re my best friend, #30! It was true: that’s a lucky number! Take care and don’t go out! I don’t want you to catch a cold! See you in class and don’t forget to introduce me to your sexy master!

A few days ago, my grandma came to see me after a long time without talking before her and without finding myself watching my face through her glasses. She was not in her best days and her health was not what it used to be. She had a problem in her legs and sometimes she just didn’t feel them… So, she had to lay or sit down in those situations. Her long years walking on this Earth had affected her ability to transport herself and when I realized she had decided to come to see me, I knew that was a big deal. Sorry about the tear.

It was true, I did something wrong and we had to do something about it. I killed a young, pretty girl and every minute inside of my cell, made me feel what I did to her in 162000 seconds and God knows how insane were each one of them.

Since the first time I saw the girl I assassinated, my body trembled. In the back of my mind, I started making plans to catch her in my trap. She would be my first victim and her green eyes would experiment all my nasty thoughts in a live session.

I couldn’t believe what I was saying, that’s the kind of thing you would hear from a lunatic guy! It was like if a killer’s soul possessed my body every once and a while… Sometimes, a little secret give our lives a quick escape from reality; others, a white lie assure you the happiness of someone you don’t want to hurt; but when you realize you’re the one who’s been a fool, that’s when you wake up. However, you look for an explanation for that action made against you, an excuse to forgive the liar, an answer to justify the one you love with all your heart… That’s ironically stupid. Because that is fooling yourself!

I never forgive, I’m not a saint, and I’m not a hero. That’s why Jesus was created for; he is the only one who could forgive infidelity.

I waited in my car for her to get out from that man’s house. The selfish bitch had a lot of fun that night, at least, until I kidnapped her…

I imagined the worst way to die and did it to her. I took the dirtiest knives and stained her legs. I let my anger, my insecurity and sadness flow through her body and I painted my walls and floor with red art.

Her eyeless corpse slept with my black-onyx car in the city’s lake for one week. Each bite a fish gave to her; a detective approached more to the actual murderer.

They caught me when she had no tongue and was more than a body a “fish-motel”.

Even with all my reasons to kill that fucking whore, I ended in jail; everything I did was in vane! I was single again and had a house full of clues that pointed me as the villain of the story…! It was a bad idea to keep her green eyes in my fridge and the bra she wore that night in my closet (incredibly, the bitch had my taste…!). I’m such a stupid girl!

“He had to be here, not me!! Why did I have to meet him!? Why did I go to the library that day!? Why did I take the number 54!? Help me, grandma! HELP, ME!” I yelled before everyone who was looking at me through the huge mirror saw how my body started calming down and how my screams became low-volume noises. Never in my whole life, had I felt so much peace and tranquillity than that moment. The venom ran in silence guided by my own blood as the darkness appeared in form of tired eyes. The fear came to me in the last second I remember, but I did what a strange voice told me to: Just sleep…

The next day that I met #93, I realise she was a whore, and not because of the gossip, but because of what she did to me the night before in a restaurant’s restroom! Oh, my God! I was so scared and excited at he same time! I didn’t know if she was trying to lick me or thinking about giving me a free amputation! However, it was awesome! She was a crazy sexy nurse and I wanted to be sick forever!

She was the easiest, sexiest, smartest and funniest girl I’ve ever met. Her green eyes would be in my mind for a long time and they were before me whenever I wanted to refresh my memory! It’s very funny how some events occur to make your life better or teach you something. In my case, I learned one thing thanks to my red-metal friend: If you can date several chicks at the same time DO IT!! So, I’ll tell you a little bit about #54 too.

The second girl I met with the ticket machine was the kind of woman you would present to your mom as your future wife. She didn’t have green eyes but she could look through you with so much love that was possible to grab it with your hands. If I ever wanted to find some girl to have kids with, #54 was that girl! Her ability to do everything perfect was unique and her love for God was it too. So, I couldn’t fuck her… yet.

Anyway, she gave me a naked photo of her naked chest two weeks later to decrease my hunger. She told me to use that picture to imagine what I could have with her if we carried on in our relationship. LOL!!! She was CRAZY!!

College is a big place where you are like a fallen leaf in a forest during fall. The quantity of people you meet is designed in the universe to be the correct quantity you really need to progress with your career and your life. That’s why two girls in the same class didn’t know they had more than the same pink shirt in common.

My relationship with #93 was very hot. Anytime, anywhere, it was familiar to me the meaning of her dirty green-eyed-look. It was inevitable to resist her sexy feminine charms. Even if we were at Neighbour’s Restaurant, the bank, my car or her uncle’s funeral, the place wasn’t important. Sex was the only way I knew to make her happy and I had the satisfaction to always look a great smile on her face when a showed an emergency condom in my pocket. But I knew that if sex failed our relationship would die as well.

One night, she came to my place, I opened the door and the dirty look had been sent. My testosterone antennas caught the subliminal message like flies are trapped by Ray Toro’s afro. In about two minutes, I already had #93 kissing me on the sofa, giving me her body heat and touching my hands when she pronounced these magic words: “Why do you have sanitary paper pasted on your hand?” My entire body was frozen solid the next second I heard that…!! My face turned all red and Mr. Silence sat between us, but he ran away when she started laughing!! “I can’t believe you did that!!” she said while I was still stupidly brush, watching her stand up and parts of my body going down…!! Damn #54’s photo!! I’ll never use it again!! I promise!!

(Will continue...)